Driving is Awesome
Hi. If you’re like millions of Americans, you drive like a fucking jackass. Listen - the right lane is for driving like a quadriplegic, the left lane is for passing assholes in the right lane. If you find yourself rolling along in the leftmost lane, powered by nothing more than the wind of cars passing you on your right, then you have failed. Jesus babyfucking christ, how hard is it to recognize that the road in front of you is completely empty, while your rear view mirror looks like a fucking hurricane evacuation is taking place? You don’t see the problem there? You’re holding up traffic for like 70 miles. Fuck off. Really, fuck off.
Or - and this is even worse - you’re a real piece of shit and think you’re doing a public service by forcing everyone to “drive at a safe speed”. It turns out that 60 miles per hour isn’t that safe when someone braver than I pulls a PIT maneuver they learned from “World’s Nuttiest Car Chases” on Spike on your retarded minivan and sends your ass end over end like a gymnast on coke. Listen to me right now before I stab you in your eardrums - somebody is eventually going to kill you. You’re not making things safer, you’re pissing off people for the pure fucking feeling it gives you and that makes you a tremendous dick. You are doing nothing that is good for anyone in any way and I fucking hate you.
Oh yes, this is important too. If you’re driving along in the right lane like a normal fucking person, and for some reason you decide to move into the left lane for absolutely no reason, you fucked up. Why do people do that? I see it every goddamned day. Every time I am on the freeway, someone decides to get into the left lane just for fun. They are usually driving at about the speed an elephant can fly, with bags of shit in their back seat obscurring the window, and some asshole passenger who I probably also hate. What in the sweet fuck happened in your retarded head that made you do that? Don’t do that.
Shit.