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Drowning in my tears

Day after day

I love you

I’m sorry

Is all you can say

I wish you could take my pain away

For loving you

This is the price I must pay

A year has passed

Feeling as if it were yesterday

And also ten years ago

So unreal

I listen to the song

I remember

Emotions come flooding back

I’m there again

With you

Holding your hand

Reading you my letter

Wishing I hadn’t waited so long to tell you

Barely managing to get words out

Tears fall onto the bedsheet

Then and now

Struggling with acceptance

Still

Suppressing feelings

Reaching out for closure

It will come

Contemplating

Can’t stand the waiting

A new sensation

Brings temptation

So unreal

Yet how I feel

Its as if I’ve come undone

In the end lost not won

Consuming thoughts

And hopes and dreams

Can it be what it seems

Fearing what perhaps is true

Looking

Somehow finding you

“I love you!”

I scream

At the top of my lungs.

But only when no one

Is listening.

“You fool!”

They all say,

At my holding such thoughts.

If only they knew

What I’m fearing.

I fear him.

I fear me.

I fear loss.

I fear distance.

I fear what I’m holding within.

“Good God!”

I squeak out.

At all of my choices.

And decide that I have

Much more thinking.